netcatz's Xanga

Part of the Great

Thu, 30 Jul 2009 01:02:48 GMT

So last entry I talked about the next part of my life as being great. It's been a while so here's an update:

In summer school and graduating in three and a half weeks.

Moving in with my parents middle of next month

Still attending Xenia Assembly of God

Praying in tongues daily plus reading about what a life in the Spirit is like

Still working at Fairborn Library

Doing stuff with International Ministry (events, hanging with students, etc.)

So tonight I got some of the Great of my post XA life. This isn't post XA related though truly because XA was involved indirectly. Funny. I went to an XA meeting tonight (Ignite) becuase I just wanted to be around everyone. The summer talks are great and staying away from them is hard. So why fight it when you don't have to?

So tonight we talked about freedom from sin. My biggest one has been vanity for a long time and I made a break through in my life in that.

Freedom is part of the Great I was talking about. I have been wrestling with lies all this year so I can be dependent God's Word for truth.

Freedom is new to me. I am not talking about freedom to do whatever I want. I am more talking about what we like to call liberation. The freedom from what we call psychological restraints like worry, fear, etc. We stick things mainly in the psychological processes and think by sheer will we can have freedom from them. When freedom comes from Christ. I really don't think on our own strenghth we can be free from this stuff because they have spiritual consequences and play a big part in the spiritual world. And worry and fear- they are sin. And sin...Well we are slaves to that until we have Christ. We can't overcome the sin in our lives without Him. This is why Jesus died on the cross.

Praise the Lord I am free to follow Him!!!

OH MY!

Thu, 04 Jun 2009 12:11:47 GMT

In two months and sixteen days (or is less or more than that?) I will graduate!

Last night was my last official Ignite. It was awesome! The presence of the Lord was there from begining to end. I could also feel the love in the room. We started with worship. Then annoucements. Then the interviews began. Each soon to be graduating senior (including yours truly) came up one at a time and spent a few minutes answering questions from Steve (Chi Alpha Pastor in case you did not know). Michelle went last. After Steve was done, he said that someone else had a question to ask her. Josh came forward and did what we've all been waiting for him to do. He proposed!!! Michelle said yes (of course). It was amazing to see and be a part of. Everyone cheered and stood and clapped! The final thing we did was everybody prayed for us (the seniors). I felt so loved. It was an amazing time. The Lord filled our hearts with joy.

Post XA comments:

I am not officially done with XA until I graduate because I am still doing International Ministry until then (just so you know).

The most important impact in my life from any group of people is Chi Alpha (if that sentence is gramatically sound even). Indeed Jesus has been good to me these past four years! In XA I learned how to pray, how to worship freely and truly and how to apply the Bible to my life. I also gained very good friends that will last forever (literally because we will all be together in Heaven). If you really want Jesus look for Him really hard and with all your heart. One of the best ways to do that is Chi Alpha. I had never seen people love Jesus more than I have seen people love Jesus in Chi Alpha. I know that this not the end. Chi Alpha was only part of the beginning. It's time to go to the middle part of the story where Jesus and I continue on. I am not sure of everything that is next but because Jesus is good I can guarantee you it will be great. The Lord has always had his hand over my life and he will continue to do so.

-Nichole

summer reading lift- rough draft

Fri, 15 May 2009 13:58:21 GMT

Summer Reading Challenge: ( a really long book that needs to read by the end of summer)

Gone - Michael Grant

Comic Series: (usually a series of comicbooks that I have been working on but have not finished that I want finished by end of summer)

For Better or Worse- Lynn Johnston (18 books)

Teen books:

Inda - Sherwood Smith

Inspiration:

Bittersweet- Cathy Marie Hake

Touch your hand

Tue, 05 May 2009 15:37:42 GMT

For sometime now we've known

I've felt the drifting away

I try so desperately to hold on

I think we just let it all go

When we should try to keep going

And we hold on

To what we should just let go

I desperately want so many things

I want to touch your hand

To wrap my arms around you

I want to open my heart and divulge every secret

Until you know all

Then I want freedom

I want dancing

I want joy

We call ourselves sinners

When we've been made into saints

We call ourselves perfect

When we've got a long way to go

We call ourselves weak

When we've been made strong

We say we can do it on our own

When we have not a clue at all

And I need so many things

I need to know that someone cares

I need to do what the Word of God says

I need a wake up call

Because somedays I sleep in way too long

***********

Where do nightmares come from? Is it from the corners of our hearts and minds that hold all our fear, doubts, insecurities, paranoia? Does this get breathed on at night sometimes and linger until morning?

Reaching out

Fri, 03 Apr 2009 13:23:40 GMT

I have a confession to make. I don't think I can reach Muslims or Europeans on this campus for Christ. I am more excited about reaching Chinese and Japanese students than I am about the idea of reaching Muslims and Europeans.

So when I see Muslims on this campus I let them walk by or pass them up because I feel intimidated or want to do something else all of the sudden. When all I need to do is walk up, say hi, and introduce myself. It's a great start.

I make up excuses saying I am only meant to reach Asians and American students. Yeah, I feel especially called in that and have a heart for Chinese, Americans, and Japanese women but that does not change the command in the Bible to go out into all the world and make disciples out of all people. The Lord's heart is that none shall perish not just who you feel called to reach. Should not our hearts be for all people?

I forget who is in me when I do not reach out to others. I forget who I am living for. It is Jesus.

So who is God asking you to reach that you are making excuses about? Who do you see everyday that needs the Gospel but you keep walking away from them?

Let me ask some more questions: What if someone had not talked to you? What if someone made up excuses about sharing the Gospel with you? Think of the people in the past who witnessed to you, who taught you about Jesus. What if they did not? I know God can use anything to get our attention and focus on Him and He is the one who saves us, but what if He is choosing you to get someone's attention? What if He is choosing you so someone can hear the Gospel? Should we not want to be apart of that? I know I do.

Let me share a story. A week and a half ago I was on University of Dayton campus. My friend Rod and I were out praying and Rod felt like we should witness. So he asked God to show him someone to witness to. This guy in army camflouge walked by. Rod said he felt God wanted us to talk to him. So we went after him. Rod ran and ran and had already started to talk to the guy when I showed up. I introduced myself. We are going to call him John for this entry. Something John said in the middle of our sharing Jesus with him went something like this: "A person can only ask so many times for a sign and deligently pray for so long to God and go without it." I had a feeling that was what happened to him. John told us he grew up in a Christian home, went to church every Sunday and believed Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior. Yet his brother is sick with a disease and the doctors don't know exactly what is wrong with him. God is not high on John's priority list these days, he told us. He still goes to church and still thinks God exists and would even say Jesus is Lord but he is not seeking God right now. We prayed for him and encouraged him to read the Bible and keep asking God for healing for his brother until he saw it. We prayed with John for healing for his brother. I could not help but think that we were John's sign. Now I think that John has been given things from God before and have not looked for them or seen them that way. He was expecting something else. Maybe he was just expecting his brother's healing when God wants to do more than just heal or fix what is broken. He wants to share a wonderful relationship with people. He wants to save us from hell, sin, death, this world, and ourselves. I could not help but think we were a sign for John.

If God can and will work through us to give signs to people than who can you give a sign to that you have not?

-Nichole

Give Thanks

Fri, 13 Mar 2009 12:41:25 GMT

We do not give thanks enough to God. I hear alot of praying and I hear alot of complaints come out of my mouth but not alot of thanks. So let us say THANK YOU JESUS!

It is time. Stand up and yell it. Shout it from the rooftop: "God has done great things for His people! He has done great things for us! Thank you God!"

This is what we did in prayer this morning. We said thanks.

There is this list in the book The Ultimate Gift by Jim Stovall (I have seen the movie too and actually like it better, weird huh?) called the Golden List (should have been in the movie). It is where you make a list of ten things you are grateful for every morning.

Everything I have that is good in my life is from Jesus. So thank you Jesus for the following:

1. For being love

2. For good friends

3. For parents who are so self-sacrficing

4. For dancing

5. For music

6. For roommates

7. For the Church

8. For my money

9. For my job

10. For saving me from sin, death, lies, and a bunch of other junk

God has done so much. What is your Golden List today?

-Nichole

Alone? I don't think so.

Fri, 27 Feb 2009 14:11:54 GMT

I feel like I work with neglected areas. I feel neglected in my relationships. I feel that I am the only one straigtening shelves at work. I am part of a ministry that not many people step onto the plate and help with. It feels neglected. I have a heart for women but women in the world are generally looked down upon and in history have been neglected. I care about friendships and relationships and they are neglected in life. They need more fighting for because people are more important than education, jobs, money. The only thing they are not more important than is God.

What lies do we hear? We think our hearts are so neglected by God. If God is on our side then those things I mentioned above are not neglected. God has it. He is moving. He is working. It's true that God uses people and we need to ask God what he wants us to work on. The Church sometimes neglects certain things like community, reaching people, etc but that does not speak of God's heart.

Maybe I have a heart for things like this because God wants to show that He does not neglect. We are so not alone in anything we do. Sometimes God lets things happen time and time again so we can receive healing in an area. God does not neglect and when God takes care He really takes care. We are talking about a loving and powerful God and we matter to Him.

Just thought that I would remind you and me. God has not neglected us.

-Nichole

Mighty God

Fri, 20 Feb 2009 14:09:09 GMT

This morning my friend Rod and I were praying for friends of ours who don't know Jesus. We have been getting together to pray every Friday since Fall Quarter and God moves in our hearts on a regular basis there. It has been some of the greatest of the movements of the Spirit in my heart.

I used to think this could not happen. I would go to cooperate prayer and wonder why my prayer life was not powerful when I prayed on my own. I used to walk into International Prayer and doubt God would move. God has proven me wrong (as usual).

God is so good to us. This morning He revealed to me that He is an amazing and powerful God. He is bigger than all my troubles and He can and will save my friends and family. I need to remember that my God is mighty. He is bigger than the sin in my life and in others' lives. He is bigger than anything and when he moves lies, evil schemes, etc topple. They are nothing compared to my God.

I don't know where you are in prayer or in knowing God. Know that Jesus is mighty though. He can use us for His purposes and does so willingly. Our prayers are hearded by a powerful and loving God who will not fail you.

Psalm 118.

-Nichole

Nods

Mon, 09 Feb 2009 14:41:25 GMT

When does a fight like this stop?

When there is no beginning

Is there an end?

There are no words exchanged.

Just feelings under layers of skin.

They are expressed in frowns and red eyes.

I see you sulking.

Are we done lying

When words have not been attempted yet?

In my head there is screaming.

Is it quiet in yours?

Can we handle the truth

When we have avoided it for so long?

Can we be friends still

Though we really are enemies

In our minds?

If I apoligized would it all be over?

Will you say sorry too?

Or am I alone?

Tell me do you want in my life

When you have not been for a long time?

I do not know where to start

At bringing all this to an end.

Do I want it to end?

sometimes

Thu, 29 Jan 2009 02:51:53 GMT

So bored with what little writing I am doing!!! Ugh! So here I am again.

****

Another scene from The Lost. I know anyone reading this may not know what is all going on.

Jenna could not sleep. Jessica's couch was comfortable. The pillows and blankets were sufficient. The room temperature was just right. All of it did not matter though. She just wanted out of this city. Why was she here?

"Go out to the back balcony," He said.

Jenna groaned. Then she slowly proceeded to get off the couch. Then her walk to the balcony was slow. She slouched and she frowned.

"Would you stop acting defiant?" She could see him in her mind's eye shaking his head.

"Are you angry?" She asked. Jenna was really curious.

"No, I do not anger easily."

Jenna stopped just before the balcony door. "I wish I was like that."

"You could be."

"There is no way."

"You would be surprised of what you could do with me at your side."

Jenna did not answer. She just went out the door and stepped out onto the cold balcony.

"I didn't bring shoes," she said. "Maybe I should go back inside."

"Do not worry about that. Now look up."

"What am I looking at?"

"The stars."

"I can't see any of them in-" Suddenly every street light in the neighborhood went out and every house that Jenna had just seen with the lights on went dark. Jenna gasped. She could see the stars clearly.

"This, my dear, is for you. I know how much you like them. I have seen you get in your car during the summers and go to the more rural parts and look at them."

Tears started to rush to Jenna's eyes. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do I need to find my mother if you are all I need?"

"Do you really believe I am all you need?"

"No, that is just what Jessica says."

"That is why you need your mother."

Jenna sobbed. Then a beautiful thing happened that made peace surge through her. A shooting star fell from the sky.

"I could wish on that," Jenna stated.

"Don't."

"Why not?"

"Ask me instead. Go ahead. I will not fail you."

"Okay. I pray that she will love me."

"She will and she does."

"Then I pray that I will love her because I don't know if I can forgive her."

"Then you will."

*******

This story is something that is really on my heart. I hope one day I can sit down and really do it.

-Nichole